Today is my 8 year anniversary for starting my photography business in Lubbock, Texas.
Last year I missed the anniversary because I was huge and pregnant and had my mind on two things: ice cream and swimming.
Yesterday my engagement couple asked me how long I had been doing photography and when I said 8 years it reminded me that TODAY is my anniversary! I should take Solomon out to the new Olive Garden for lunch to celebrate.
I have learned SO much through this business and have morphed into so many different people through the process!
When I first started my main goal was to earn enough money to pay off my camera (the Canon 10D and the 35-350mm 3.5-5.6 L lens) and wait around to find a husband to marry and just be a housewife. I began to take any kind of photos that would pay me, even some sports photos and an occasional wedding (after worrying for hours the night before that I would have my camera lock up or break something in the middle of the ceremony!) and after I paid off my camera I began a waiting period for this husband of mine... well lucky for me it only took another year to marry me off and my photography business started to grow.
Seniors and weddings were what I photographed, families and kids were icky to me and I didn't like to photograph them because I had no idea how to interact with kids! One thing led to another and after my heart became sick to be "on top" I started my journey upward in the photography ladder. Looking back on my experience I was one determined girl to "make it". There weren't as many photographers back then as there are now and so everyone just "knew" everyone in the cyber world and I began to try to make a splash (which now would have not done a thing, my talent is so far surpassed by newcomers now that I just sit back in awe!).
I began to attend workshops, network, travel and crave more knowledge and fame in photography. It became my life to make my name known and to make people like me. I totally had a complex and really think that it stemmed from my parent's divorce and secretly wanting to show my dad that I could make something of myself, something big!
My friends and I would see photographers get famous really fast and then sadly watch as they gloated in the fame, and then crash and burn as they "fell" from their fame in the other photographer's eyes. It was a terrible sight to see these people go through the gossip rings, of course I was apart of them too, and to see them crushed with nothing remaining. We determined that we would never make it to the "top" of photography, but we would just get pretty close just in case we were all of the sudden "not cool" anymore then it wouldn't be as painful and hurtful. Silly I know, but unless you are a photographer right now then you really wouldn't understand. This photography circle stuff is very much like high school/college greek popularity contests.
If you are pretty, skinny and dressed cool then you are elevated. If you are young you are elevated. If you know the right people then you are elevated. I tried to be all three to up my game. I spent countless hours/dollars on my outward appearance before I would go to WPPI in Las Vegas just so that maybe I would be cool enough to hang out with the "Famouses". This is all hilarious, I know, but I felt like sharing it all today!
Anyways, it was all emptiness. It would come in waves, you would feel accepted and "famous" for a second while some newbie would come up and ask if you were "Lauren Clark???" and the next you were a nobody. It is a sad thing to base your importance as a human on those things, because once you've tasted it you will stop at nothing to have a downpour of adoration. I began "marketing" myself with t-shirts, stickers, Facebook tags, flyers, etc... and slowly became somewhat "famous" in the photography world. Little did all of these people know that I was just a 22 year old girl who was looking for something to fill that void and ache in my life for something bigger than myself.
Through photography I was able to travel America, make as much money as I would have ever wanted, buy anything for anyone at the drop of a hat, but I was so empty. Nothing could satisfy me for longer than a week. Nothing.
Then it happened, photographers came out of everywhere and started to invade Lubbock and every area in America. Digital SLRs and knowledge began to infiltrate the web for CHEAP and everyone all of the sudden was a photographer, and they were GOOD... FAST! It took me YEARS of trial and error to learn these things and all of the sudden there was a photographer who started two months ago and was already better at lighting/photoshop/posing than me. My world started to shake because people didn't care about me anymore. My pedestal that I was on began to wobble and I didn't know what to do... and so I moved. Literally, that is one of the reasons that I moved was because I felt so much pressure by all of these new awesome photographers in Lubbock and if I couldn't be on top then I would rather just vanish!
Can you see pride and insecurity written all over this? Oh my, I had no idea though, I was BLIND. Anyway, so when we moved to Stillwater (and this was all in the Lord's lovely plan) people didn't want to hire this expensive new photographer. Another blow to my pride. What? I thought I could go anywhere and earn business, I mean, I was a teacher at LOVE AFFAIR Workshop for goodness sakes! Nope. Nada.
The Lord is so good because He has slowly whittled down my pride instead of wiping it out from under me all at once. You see, through a series of long events I am now a stay at home mom (what I always wanted to be) and am doing photography at my own pace. We downgraded our lifestyle so that we can make it on a teacher's salary and my life has never been more meaningful and peaceful. Sure, every once in a while I'll see one of the "famouses" luxury cars, travels, award winning work and adoration from the others and wish that I could be there again, but then I remember the emptiness that came with it for me. When you put your hope in the accolades of men then you will always be let down.
I am no where close to perfect and still have hidden reservoirs of pride in my life, but my desire is to live life to the fullest, not in things and money (because I have already experienced that road and it was lacking), but in love and helping people. I am drawing my worth from the Lord now and He is my marketing plan.
I used to think that if I marketed more and did "xyz" that I would get more business, but now I realized that it was the Lord's hand the entire time and nothing I could do would bring more or less business to me. I am content in shooting a few sessions a month and a wedding here or there.
My life is full, fuller than all of the money and fame ever attempted to give me.
I wouldn't trade the lessons that I've learned in the last 8 years for another millions dollars. Nope.
Happy 8 years to me!
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Parents are the main influence on a child's likes, dislikes and habits. You will see hippy parents dress their kids in hippy-ish clothes and raise them to be vegetarians and "green", you will see the Amish raise their children to be Amish and you will see sports fan's raise sports fans. Your children generally do what they see their parents do and this has really made me think about what I do all day and what is most important for my little boy to learn about the world. I love being outside. I was raised this way, to play on the swing set, play imaginary world with a bunch of girls running around Grandma's farm and to draw and color on the picnic tables. I love being outside and it is something that I want Solomon to love also. Humans have lost so much of their connection to nature and the beautiful world that God created for us to keep and live in... so much of the time we end up watching television about nature when we could just drive to a park or a preserve and experience it for ourselves. I can't tell you how excited I am to teach Solomon life lessons through nature, gardening, caring and training animals and exploring.
This morning I decided that we didn't have to go anywhere to experience the birds singing, the wind moving the trees and some vitamin D... so we went outside on a $25 quilt from an antique store and listened to music while I threw the dog toy and he played with blocks. I think I might have to do this everyday, rain or shine...
I processed these as old timer photos:)
Katelyn:
I think I know what you mean!. I have made it a point since my niece was born to go running with her once a week in her stroller and now it's one of her favorite things to do, plus it's time for just us two. It's so nice to be outside, in the sunshine, and have the breeze rush through your hair. I hope you get to have more time with Soloman outside as it gets warmer!
(04.20.12 @ 08:03 PM)
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I never really cared much about eating healthy, I just wanted to be skinny. I would eat bad, get chubby and then diet with highly processed diet foods that left me starving and on a perpetual yo-yo diet. Then it all changed when I began to watch all of those movies on Netflix like "Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead", "Food Inc.", and "Food Matters" and read books like "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle". When it came time to start feeding Solomon solids I decided to make my own baby food, yes, it is the cool thing to do, and that helps, but I am so glad that it is! I bought a Beaba Baby Food steamer/puree machine from Williams-Sonoma through my sister-in-law's awesome discount and started steaming and pureeing almost every fruit and vegetable I could find.
I'm not going to stay clear of processed foods all together, because let's be honest, it's hard to do, nor am I "all organic" because that's too expensive! But, I am planning on growing a good portion of our food in our backyard and teaching Solomon how to garden with me! It will be such a fun process and I believe that it was Adam and Eve's task that was given to them by God to do. Maybe that's why I love it so much? We are to "toil" for our food, not just open a bag and start eating. This is why I love making everything from scratch like homemade bread (recipe below), ice cream, cookies, tomato sauce, etc... It takes time, lots of time. I just listen to music and sermons while Solomon scrambles around the kitchen floor chasing refrigerator magnets and I just feel so... alive! I mean, this is what I've ALWAYS wanted to be... a homemaker and a mother. I feel so blessed to be able to do this, and making delicious, time consuming meals for my family is one of my favorite things to do.
Anyway, back to real life...
So I buy different veggies and fruits (jicama anyone?), chop them into bite size pieces and throw them into the Beaba for a nice steam. When they are done I season them with spices and put them in the fridge in little containers. Solomon gets homemade wheat bread pieces with every meal and I just put about a slice of bread with a different fruit or veggie each meal. For snacks I buy dried fruit, whatever kind I can get my hands on, and chop it up into small bite sized pieces.
Here is my wheat bread recipe slightly adapted from the Healthy Bread in 5 Minutes a Day cookbook.
5 c. whole wheat flour (I just bought 50 pounds of organic whole wheat flour from Azure Standard)
2 1/2 c. white flour
1/4 c. vital wheat gluten (ordered on Amazon.com)
1 1/2 T yeast (I buy the large can of it instead of the packets)
1 T salt
2 1/2 c. warm water to dissolve the yeast in
3/4 c. honey
2/3 c. canola oil or other oil
5 eggs
I mix all of the wet ingredients in my Kitchen Aid mixer and whisk together and then in a large bowl mix all of the dry and them dump it all in. You want to mix lightly, I just get it all wet and then set it aside to rise on a heating pad or stove top while I'm baking something else for it to rise. Let it rise for 2 hours and then put it in the fridge.
If you stir the dough more than just getting it all wet and folded in then it will become VERY gummy and the texture won't be as good.
You can pinch off 1/3 of the dough and put it in a loaf pan and let it rise for 45 minutes and then bake it for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or you can seran wrap it and put it all in the fridge for up to 5 days. When the dough is cold, take off 1/3 of it and let it rise in a loaf pan for 2 hours before baking.
The dough will make 2 large loaves and 1 shorter loaf.
denise:
So glad you posted about this. I feel exactly as you do, I love preparing a good meal for my family. Looking forward to food prep for my newest little boy. I need to look into getting a good steamer. I also have felt so intimidated by making my own bread but you have encouraged me to try it out. Thanks!
(04.17.12 @ 05:45 PM)
C Smart:
Hello! Just curious on why you decided to make your own bread? Is store bought bad, too much sugar? Or is the taste just better? Also I would love for you to post more of your healthy recipes! Always looking for healthy things to make! I made my own baby food, too, and loved doing it! I'm a cooking nerd! Ha!!!
(04.17.12 @ 10:23 PM)
Lauren:
I wanted to make my own bread to see if it would taste better, it does! It is also about half the price!
(04.17.12 @ 11:06 PM)
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One year ago this week I was in Lubbock having my maternity photos done by Melanie Pittman. I can't believe that a year has gone by already.
Life with a baby does zoom by and it makes me so thankful for everything that has happened in the last year. I feel like I understand more about life, love my purpose and how to make the most of it for the glory of God.
Who knows what will happen in the next year? Josh will be graduating in 6 weeks from OSU with a teaching degree and will be starting a new job with a High School and coaching, I will not only be a mom with a camera, but a coach's wife! Life is about to get wild my friends! I hope you continue on this journey with me.
I was feeling nostalgic tonight and wanted to browse through my personal posts on the blog and see where I was a year ago, and I was happy to find this photo. I love my baby, my husband, my family and my God!
Melanie Pittman:
Oh my goodness! How time flies! I am so happy for you, he is so precious! I love his blue eyes :)
(03.18.12 @ 11:23 AM)
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Lubbock is Solomon's second home. Josh and I left 80% of our family and my entire client base back here and so I come back once a month to photograph and let Solomon get to know all of his cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents better. He loves it here, and I will have him swimming in that pool as soon as it warms up! I put his feet in today and it was COLD, he didn't even flinch, he just splish-splashed around, I think he will be a swimmer like his momma. Anyway, I had some extra time to edit some of the photos from this week so far and wanted to share...
First time to see a horse!
Shana:
Hello you look awesome in these photos!! I saw the maternity shot and then the pics of you now, nice work! =)
(03.20.12 @ 09:47 AM)
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Awesome post! I love it!! God is faithful and I love reading all your posts as you seek Him more and more! Miss you! Love you!!
(05.01.12 @ 09:15 AM)soooo refreshing to read! I don't really struggle with the slow pace of my business until I am around other photographers. Why is that? So weird. But thank you for yet another reminder that the Lord is the author of my story.
(05.01.12 @ 09:22 AM)You just made my day! I'm slowly working towards the same goal of working less and mothering more. My kids are teenagers, but I feel like I've spent several years with my face behind the camera and in front of the computer. I'm a newer wife now and want to concentrate on my marriage and kids. Thank you for writing this! Also, it's funny that you wanted to be "Famous" when I've admired you all along for doing your own thing and being really good at it and NOT putting yourself out there as a famous.
(05.01.12 @ 09:25 AM)We found out the first hand about "This photography circle stuff is very much like high school/college greek popularity contests." We were not ready for that when we went to WPPI this year! Very discouraging. So happy to see that we aren't the only ones that feel this way. You are still one of the top photographers in our minds :)
(05.01.12 @ 09:26 AM)I loved that you posted this! This was me, too only in reverse--I guess! I started my young career as an attoryney--in D.C. nontheless, and right on Capitol Hill--uhhh, yeah! I had arrived. :) Only same thing--emptiness. Had my life, career, finances, etc all planned out. But, thank the Lord, HE had other plans. I now live in a very small town, have 2 beautiful children, wonderful husband, and I'm a stay at home mom, building my photography (which NEVER crossed my mind to do...EVER!) at my and my children's pace. I make appointments solely based on and around their schedules. My heart and life has never been fuller! Funny how we think that fame and money will bring us what we want, and funny how we know it won't all in the same breath. I so enjoy your work and your heart!
(05.01.12 @ 09:32 AM)Lauren, I am a photographer in Amarillo. I have been taking pictures for 10 years and really needed this today! Thank you for being so open and sharing! Sometimes you feel you are the only one feeling this way or have felt this way and it is nice to know someone else has gone through these emotions. Thank you so much! Happy 8 Years! That is something to be proud of! I love your work and I too am a stay home mom and it is such a blessing! Hope you enjoy Olive Garden this is my girls and I's family place also!
(05.01.12 @ 09:55 AM)I've been following you for a really long time and you've always been an inspiration to me. It's been fun to see someone my age going through the same things as me and to see how grounded you have stayed. I think you have the perfect balance that everyone wishes to find, or at least I do :) Happy 8 years!
(05.01.12 @ 10:04 AM)wow, you have NO idea how much I needed to read this. I met you at the last LAW (you drew the flower thing in my book for Davina lol)... anyways... i've been struggeling with alot of the very things you have talked about and am thankful for being so transparent. God has a mysterious way of getting us to evaluate our life...he is so good. Thank you for wonderful post... and baby Soloman is adorable!
(05.01.12 @ 10:14 AM)I definitely needed to hear this! Thanks for sharing, Lauren!
(05.01.12 @ 10:23 AM)you're a world-changing, apathy-shaking beacon of courage - i'm inspired! thanks, auntie :)
(05.01.12 @ 10:28 AM)Lauren,
I think we all in our own way go through this as Christian women. I am not a photographer, but as a teacher/coach in a world of MEN, who somehow seem to get more than they deserve(joking). I as a female have always been out to proeve that I, a woman, from this very small town, can make it BIG in the coaching world. The Lord has revealed to me that it's not about the wins/losses, the gold balls that playoff wins bring to the trophy case. But it's about making Christ known. At the end of my life I will stand before him for what kind of witness I was, wife, mother. Not how many awards/playoff wins I had. The things of this world will stay here! So therefore I too am about to embark as a stay at home mom. I am so excited yet nervous, but at peace at the same time. Is is great to be in the will of God. I love that you are growing in your faith! I am too! Isn't it all exciting! =) Love you girl!
(05.01.12 @ 10:30 AM)Lauren, thank you so much for sharing. It's awesome to know that we are not alone in this journey and that God does write our story... thank you, thank you, thank you for being open and honest!!!
(05.01.12 @ 10:32 AM)Thank you so much for this post! I have never met you but feel like I know you from your blog, you are so sweet and loving. I feel like I learn something new everyday :)
(05.01.12 @ 10:33 AM)Lauren, I tumbled upon your blog about 2.5 years ago. I am one of those "newbies". I have a mid grade camera and I take pictures, but I don't make money doing it (unless you count the $40 here and there). I just wanted to say thank you. I learned 80% of what I know about shooting from professional photographers' blogs, namely yours and just a handful of other blogs. But out of all those photographers I learned from that I will never meet, you were the only person I thought, "we could be friends." I don't say that in a weird way or because we share similar likes/dislikes, etc. What made me think that is the way you express your love for the LORD. You are honest about your relationship with Him, and that is refreshing. So thank you for teaching me so much about photography. Also, thank you for being so honest.
(05.01.12 @ 10:37 AM)What a great post Lauren! Congrats on 8 years!
(05.01.12 @ 11:01 AM)Thank you so much for posting this today. I have been struggling with my decision of being a stay at home Mom. While it is the greatest job in the world, I feel like i should be putting my degree to use. But as you said, i need to set aside my pride and realize that my life is full with an amazing husband and little boy. But on a side note: I must say that you are still a celebrity to me. I mean, I did change my wedding date just so I could book you. Tanner and I feel blessed to of had you capture our day. Every time I walk down our hall and see our 100 Lauren Clark pictures I can’t help but smile. I can’t way until you can touch our lives with your talent again.
(05.01.12 @ 01:34 PM)Congrats on 8 years Lauren! Your still my favorite photographer & don't know where I would be without your workshop! Still aspire to be like you!
(05.01.12 @ 02:44 PM)WOW! Thanks for keeping it all so real. I appreciate that you share the truth about the way it is and not just what it's like in the bright lights.
(05.01.12 @ 03:31 PM)Wow... where do I start? First, you are such an inspiration to so many photographers, including us. YOU are still 'famous' and we are so proud we had 'the' Lauren Clark photograph our wedding. Aside from that, you awoke something within us that inspired us to what we feel is our calling, photography. For that, I will always be so grateful. I know the Lord brought you into our life for a reason. I'm sure you've inspired many many others just like you have us. Lauren Clark, I'm a fan. Not just of Lauren Clark the photographer, but the mother, wife, and Christian. Can't wait to see where the next 8 years take you. XOXO
(05.01.12 @ 04:55 PM)I met you at a Brainwash in January. You are a lovely person from the inside out! You have learned lessons that you've expressed here that some people will never find despite their best efforts. You just had the good sense God gave you to see what He was showing you. Congrats on all that the past 8 years has brought to you - especially God, that husband of yours, and that precious little boy!
(05.01.12 @ 05:19 PM)beautifully said ;) and i will always be your fan no matter famous or not you are an inspirational photographer
(05.01.12 @ 05:35 PM)Lauren, I have never commented on your post but i have followed you over the last 2 years. You are truly inspiring in many ways. God has blessed you with a great spirit and your transparency has encouraged me to analyze what drives me to be the best. Just wanted to say thank you and that you have a Christian brother praying for you and your family in Los Angeles! God Bless. :-)
(05.01.12 @ 11:09 PM)that's some good stuff, lauren. and i'm super encouraged by it. i appreciate your honesty - it's refreshing!
(05.02.12 @ 08:47 AM)Lauren, I love you more and more everytime I hear your heart. Keep following after Christ "and all these things shall be added unto you." I'm still learning how to balance being a mother, wife, and entrepreneur. As long as we are always striving to do it with all our heart, like Paul says in Col. 3:23, then I believe God will continue to bless us. Much love to you Lauren!
(05.02.12 @ 09:45 AM)Lauren, you inspired all of those photographers... myself included! You are amazing and your heart is beautiful and real. We Zellner's love you mucho!
(05.02.12 @ 10:56 AM)WOW...this is the first time I have ever visited your blog and was directed to your post by my dear teacher courtney, from senior blueprint. (she knew what i needed to hear and read) I must tell you, that your words on this page are so powerful and truly authentic. Thank you, and I am grateful for you. In 5 minutes of reading and processing you have cleared up something that I have been trying to figure out for quite a while...be present, be in the moment and give it up to God...he will provide. He is possibility!
(05.02.12 @ 01:56 PM)Great post, thank you. You're photography was the reason I dabbled further into the trade. I have since stopped because of taking care of three boys (being a stay at home mom was my childhood dream too!) But, I really enjoy your art and have enjoyed watching your journey along the way! I tell my husband that you are my "dream" photographer, one day we will have our pictures taken by you...even though the distance is far! Thank you for being honest, you really are a great photographer and I haven't met you in person, but I do know others that know you and you seem to be a great person as well. Take care!
(05.02.12 @ 09:50 PM)Very moving message Lauren! Thank you for sharing and Happy Anniversary to you :)
(05.03.12 @ 08:34 AM)I can't begin to tell you what a breath of fresh air this is. There will always be a God-sized hole in all of us that we can fill with a million things, but until it has God's hand on it, it will stay empty. Thank you for posting. A great reminder. I was at your San Diego Love Affair and felt very lost as a first year in business photographer who was one of the oldest women there, if not the oldest, at 38, very intimidating. However, God's grace and God's mercy is sufficient enough! I have built my business slowly and still follow all of you on your blogs. Although the photography information is fabulous and the pictures are brilliant, it is always your words of encouragement in Christ that push me the most. Happy 8th year in business!
(05.03.12 @ 11:19 AM)happy 8 years to you! Thanks so much for sharing all of your thoughts, insecurities, and honest emotion. Want my honesty? you were the first photographer that I 'fell in love with'! I was new to blogging and had your old blog on my blogger site. I've never been much into celebrities, but you (and Jasmine Star) were like movie stars to me! Besides all the amazing pics and your ability to shoot in the harshest sun, I've really enjoyed your personal posts. I still remember reading about your dream during Love Affair, and I was excited for your move to OK (since that's my home!), and now because I've entered the same phase of life (I had my first son about 10 weeks after you), I love your Solomon posts! All of this to say, thank you for sharing your life lessons, and thank you for being the light we are called to be :c)
(05.03.12 @ 09:59 PM)Hi Lauren, thank you for these words of wisdom that are beyond your years. You are truly amazing and this post just shows how truly sincere & honest you are-thank you for baring it all for us- to hear these words. Keep on being real.
(05.07.12 @ 09:56 AM)Hi Lauren! God is using you powerfully. 5 years ago, when I wasn't sure I could do photography, I stumbled upon your blog and you had mentioned that God had got you to where you were in photography. That was THE seed that was planted 5 years ago, that God could indeed, do in me, what he had done in Lauren. Once again, I stumble upon this blog post and God uses you to speak into me again. Thank you for being God's light. =) Thank you!
(05.07.12 @ 06:09 PM)I was so blessed by reading your blog! I apprecciate your honesty and vulnerability, it was so inspiring and reminiscent it puts thing in the right perspective. Definitely going to reread this article when the flesh wants to have his way...God bless you and your family.
(05.07.12 @ 10:33 PM)Lauren,
(05.11.12 @ 10:44 AM)Thank you for being so honest and transparent! You said some things that I don't know that I would be so bold to do! It's all so true though!
I feel like I can relate to you in many ways. We have a similar story of starting out young, and gaining success very early. And now I am also a new mother and my priorities have heavily shifted. It's amazing how what once was important to you, now no longer matters. Sure success and accolades are fun, but it's short term. Very much so. Babies grow, time goes on, and eternity is forever. Have to remember the important things in life!
Ah Lauren, I TOTALLY get this! I started my photography business a little after you but a little bit before the big boom and I also wanted to be on (or at least near) the top. I knew that God was asking me shut my business down for at least a year before I actually listened, it was hard giving it up but it definitely feels better to listen to God. These days I've got struggles of different kinds but it is nice knowing that He is there right beside me. Congratulations on 8 years!
(05.30.12 @ 01:42 PM)beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
(06.08.12 @ 07:41 PM)LOVE IT LAUREN. Thanks for sharing. Would have never guessed half those things... but I learned my lesson too- I am happier broke & not trying to compete than stressed and pyscho-spending :) Glad you found your peace!!
(06.08.12 @ 09:25 PM)Awe...Lauren this so needed to be said! I totally feel the same way as you! And I am leaving it all up in GOD'S hands...and I am seriously ok with a session here and there! Best of luck and keep enjoying your LIFE!
(06.08.12 @ 09:39 PM)