What is better than little boys (and 1 girl) in a junkyard playing with 4 week old puppies? Nothin’.
What is better than little boys (and 1 girl) in a junkyard playing with 4 week old puppies? Nothin’.
I’m currently reading Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” after Joy Prouty’s workshop brought to light a lot of hidden ways that I was hiding from unforeseen pain and not living an authentic life. I’ve always seen myself as authentic, but as I’ve grown older I’ve noticed how my honesty has turned into cynicism and my faith became a shield to numb unforeseen pain and fear. Instead of walking forward with courage in my faith in gentleness towards others, I was simply hiding and hoping that I wouldn’t have to experience anymore pain.
In her book she talks about how one of the ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability is “foreboding joy” (the others were perfectionism to avoid shame from others, addiction, and numbness to avoid any pain at all-which numbs ALL emotion and connection), she talked about how people can’t fully embrace joy in the moment because they are so afraid that things are so good that something horrible must be around the corner. This blew my mind. It is exactly how I’ve lived for the last 12 years after a family situation left me blindsided… always bracing for calamity by making up horror scenarios in my mind and when little waves of it do come true, I am so numb that it comes and goes without much effect on my emotions. I’ve turned into a tough girl that can do it all and be under the weight of it all without any effect. I even endured my 2 homebirths under this mantra.- “you can do it, you won’t die… most likely. Just be tough”.
Today I chose real, unadulterated joy for the first time in YEARS. I saw my children and was in the moment with them, I wasn’t distracted by fear of some unknown that could happen to them or numb by just trying to make it through another day of motherhood. I saw the cloud of fear approach several times and I told it to go away, because I was going to choose joy.
I want to live a wholehearted life and and that means risking everything daily by being open and living in the present without defense mechanisms to “protect” me, when in fact they only keep me from fully living connected. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I am going to shut the “shame tape” off and live fully engaging with people around me.
No more cynicism, disconnection, or numbness. I want to fully trust God with my life and take it as it comes- courageous in the moments when fear and shame are whispering doubt and armed with true faith and love for those around me. Wholehearted and 100% in the game no matter what comes my way. I believe that truth can really set you free, and I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in my state of mind since beginning her book. I do feel a LOT more free.
This wholehearted mindset has already created a deeper change even in my art and photography- I am SO excited to see how my life will bloom from here!
If you haven’t heard of her, buy her book or listen to these Ted Talks below.
This weekend I witnessed one of the most authentic and beautiful weddings at the Fulford Barn in Brownfield. Trenton and Danae are two deeply spiritual people and they made the most heartfelt vows to each other in front of their family and friends, I cried, quite a few times. That doesn’t happen often folks! I was so proud of them and proud to be apart of their wedding.
When I worked at Starbucks in college is the last time I’ve seen Sidney. Her dad would come in as a regular and she would tag along with him, she was seven then, what a transformation into a gorgeous young woman! I was so excited to do Sidney’s senior photos, because I haven’t done many seniors in the last few years and am LOVING shooting them again! If you are interested in having your senior photos done please contact me! I have a 1 week turnaround time for the photos and can book as late as the end of April! Senior sessions are $550 for the 2 hour session and the digital downloads or $950 for the 2 hour senior session, downloads, 11×14 and 125 graduation announcements. Please contact me today if you want to book!
After attending Joy’s workshop I realized that I haven’t quite spent the time to re-discover who I am and live that truth since becoming a mom 5 years ago. My life went from unabashedly living my truth in my early twenties to becoming insecure and, dare I say, “mousy” after motherhood. I decided to make a Pinterest board of my “brand story”-what makes me come alive and what I want to show the world. It turned into this beautiful project of soul searching, if this post is too melodramatic it’s because I was listening to Explosions in the Sky on Pandora the whole time I was writing and pinning- I may come back and edit this with more lightheartedness tomorrow, but for now, I’m feeling it! Cue the music.
I began pinning things like “free spirit”, “laughter”, “nature”, “childlike” and found that I am neither living or “showing” what I love in my life. Part of it is raising three, young kids and paying a mortgage, but the other part was just not knowing or remembering what I’ve always loved. I had lost sight of the wonder and the lightheartedness that I once had. Doing this project really inspired me to go after the things that I love again and to live life to the fullest. Joy encouraged us to put thought into who we were as artists apart from our roles in the family, here is what I wrote when trying to find who I am in the deeper “onion” layers of my soul other than just a mom and wife identity.
I am free spirited and childlike. I’ve been lost and found several times over. I’ve never given up on the fight of faith, truth and love. I swing between playful and light and deep and complex. I prefer to be outdoors running and playing in the sunshine among the birds and the flowers and observing the natural world with wonder. I enjoy stories and love the “real” in every new person that I meet- What is their story? Who are they beyond their outward appearance? What is their destiny? What wisdom is hidden in their lives?
I am driven and compassionate.
I can take charge or be very laid back.
I have a love for the weird and wonderful and find a strange delight in opposing the norm.
I want to do something that matters. I want to preserve the beautiful things that we overlook, save the lost, give hope to the hopeless, be a light.
I am completely invested in my passions, and when they change I move swiftly towards my newfound purpose.
I am a believer in God and His love for all mankind.
I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and have learned the secret beauty of contentment regardless of my circumstance.
Compassion and depth tethered to fiery passion and hope are my flags.
I found these photos on my Facebook feed from pre-motherhood and now. Since then, I have grown deeper and have learned to give myself more grace, my insecurities that I had no idea that I was hiding behind have started to uncover and I’m looking expectantly to change them into strength. I am happy to see how I grow from here!
We have just uprooted from our hometown of Lubbock, Texas to move to Dripping Springs!
I am still taking sessions in BOTH locations as I travel back and forth to visit family. Follow my social media and subscribe to my newsletter for my latest travel dates.