So I have totally backed away from being personal on my blog for a really long time, and decided to get back on the band wagon!

What a journey I’ve had since moving from Texas to Oklahoma and now to Missouri in the last three years!

I don’t even know where to start, so I guess I will just start back in Lubbock.

When we were thinking about moving from Lubbock to Stillwater we had just bought 20 acres of raw land with the dream to build a country haven and raise our family there. We had extra money and thought it would be a good investment and something fun to do together. Josh was making trips back and forth to Stillwater to work on the land and spend time with his dad, which was a major part of the reason that we picked Stillwater area. We decided to move to Stillwater, thinking that a change in scenery would be what we needed in our personal and business life. Now that I’m farther removed from that decision, I realized that a lot of it was because I was getting nervous about all of the up and coming photographers in Lubbock taking over my area, and so I thought I would conquer a whole new area.

That fear of rising to the top of fame and tumbling down was becoming a reality and so I ran from it. If you are just joining me in my story, I went through a really radical phase of success in my early twenties (totally a gift from God/test/part of my future story). I was a college drop out, married at 19 and just wanting to be a house wife and ended up traveling America shooting weddings, having thousands of people follow my blog and “stalk” my fb page and making my first million dollars in my company by 25 years old. I thought I was awesome and life would only get better for me.

So when other photographers started to creep up on my “territory” I ran. I didn’t realize I ran until a few years later, I thought I was just looking for bigger and better adventures.

When we arrived in Oklahoma I really did have a prideful goal to take over Stillwater with my photography. Ha. God had different plans.

It seemed like no one would book me. I tried it all, marketed, advertised, did free sessions, lowered my prices, etc… everything I taught other photographers to do in workshops did not work. I was so puzzled, but thought it would eventually catch on. It didn’t.

This is when I got pregnant with Solomon and God really started pursuing me… hard. He took everything away from me, my “fame”, my savings, my work (although He did send me enough to pay the bills, He is always so kind to do that), my self worth in photography. Everything.

I became slightly depressed and just decided that “now was the time to be a housewife” out of defeat and an easy way to avoid looking like a failure.

I had always wanted to just be a housewife, but the fame still had that wonderful draw for me, so I just looked self righteous and claimed the “house wife” card.

We moved to a tiny town in the boonies for Josh’s first job after college and the Lord took everything else away from me: my friends, cell phone service, and the rest of my savings. I had nothing else to rely on other than Him, I call it my wilderness. It always seems like He removes everything before rebuilding with the good. I even considered just keeping a few toddlers at my house and throwing in the towel completely.

Through a series of God ordained events we moved to Kansas City, Missouri and I was resigned just to edit for other photographers and not pursue shooting sessions any longer, but when I was talking with a friend and had told her that I was quitting, she told me that I couldn’t. I thought about it long and hard and decided that my fears of failing again shouldn’t keep me from doing what I’m trained and love to do. So I started shooting again, and got the passion back like never before!

God has reorganized my values and priorities and He is now on top, and I know that ALL of the blessings come straight from Him in His timing and I don’t stress as much about the mechanics of helping support my family, because I know that as long as I seek Him first, He will provide.

So yes, I’m way more “preachy” than I used to be, but that’s because I’ve encountered God and have seen that He is real (I have tons of amazing stories from the last three years if you want to know more), and yes, I’m back… shooting sessions, a few weddings and loving my life! I’m not going to live in greed, envy or pride any longer… all glory goes to God and I will seek Him first!

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